Is your little one anxiously watching you as you go to the bathroom? Can they tell you they went potty? Yeah, mine can too. I answered yes to most of the questions they say to ask before we started potty training. But that doesn’t matter to my particularly stubborn but completely competent child.
Elimination Communication
We started potty training my son at a very early age using elimination communication. He was 4 or 5 months old. At 9 months my son self-initiated going to the potty, I set him on it and he pooped! I was so excited I took a picture and sent it to my mom! I thought I had this potty training thing down.
My son was 9 months old when I got pregnant with my daughter and I couldn’t handle the smell of poop. I was so glad that 50-75% of my son’s poop and pee was going into the toilet.
At around 12 months something happened. He wouldn’t sit on the potty. He would kick and scream. He fought it with everything he had every time. So we stopped taking him to the potty. We stopped asking him if he needed to go or wanted to try using the potty. He started using his diaper exclusively. Looking back I wish I had continued offering the potty, even with just a question after he woke up.
Traditional Potty Training
We took a 4 month break. My son was 16 months old, and I was months from my due date and I did not want to have two kids in diapers. So I started trying traditional potty training. I read all the information about potty training in 3 days, or 5 days, or one week, or two weeks. I read about potty training before 2, at 3, or after 4 years old. I got myself prepared for the struggle I knew I was walking into.
My son is now 30 months old and he has more accidents now than he did at 11 months old (my daughters current age).
He didn’t used to have accidents. He used to have 90% of his pees in the potty and 50% of his poops, but now 99% of his poops are in his undies as well as 50% of his pees. He used to stay dry during naps, now he takes his pants off and leaves the bed soaking wet. Maybe it’s a regression. I don’t know.
My son took a couple of months to get there but then I felt like I could say he was potty trained. He had between 5-10 accidents in a week! But now we have some days where there’s 5-10 accidents a DAY. There hasn’t been a major life event recently. No new baby, no trips, nothing. I’m at a loss for what’s causing it, beyond my child deciding to be stubborn.
Related: Cloth Diapers When You’re Broke
What We Tried Early On
- Cloth diapers– they say that using cloth diapers can help to potty train early- no luck here.
- Treats– my son wasn’t into m&m’s. We tried gummies and that mostly worked for a time.
- Sticker chart– he liked the sticker, but didn’t really understand the connection I think.
- Singing potty songs– he loves songs, but it doesn’t seem to help.
- The potty sign– my son doesn’t use sign language.
- Screen time– this worked for quite some time. Several months. We would have 15 minutes of screen time if he went potty on the potty.
- Taking him every hour– he can now wait every 2 hours, but in the past, if I didn’t take him every hour he would pee at an hour and 10 minutes.
- High fives– my son gets a high five and lots of praise if he pees on the potty. He’s also taken to fist bumps.
- Drawing– my son loves to draw and we had a full sized whiteboard and markers permanently in the bathroom for months to keep him on the potty long enough to pee or poop.
- Waist down naked– we started off being naked for 4 days. He couldn’t feel the pee so he didn’t care. My couches will never be the same.
- Only pants– it’s not against him tight enough so he doesn’t seem to care.
- Latch board– this one backfired majorly. We had the latch board in the bathroom to entertain my son while he waited to pee or poop, but then when we took it out of the bathroom, every time he played with it he would pee. We’re finally past that but it took months.
What We Tried Later On
- Offering different potty options– we have four potties in our house and he almost always chooses the small green potty. I’ve even run out to our car in the summertime because he wanted the one in the car.
- Screen time while sitting on the potty to try to get poop in it– if he’s been tooting a lot, I’ve sat him on the potty with a screen to see if he would poop in it. Usually 2 minutes after I give up, he poops in his pants.
- Giving him another minute playing before taking a bathroom break- he sometimes got very mad at stopping his activity, so we would tell him in 2 minutes we would go potty. This usually works, but if he’s feeling especially stubborn he may pee in those two minutes.
- Setting a timer– I don’t always set a timer, but if we give him another minute or two, I set a timer on our Alexa. This helps me remember to take him, but it doesn’t really help him consistently go on the potty because there isn’t always a timer telling him to go.
- Buzz underwear– he loves the buzz underwear so we have started telling him that he can wear his buzz undies until he has an accident. Once he has an accident he has to wear white undies. This works for pees, but he’s just firmly against pooping in the potty.
- Having stuffed animals/toys sit on the potty– he likes to play pretend with his stuffed animals but it didn’t help him.
- Having a potty in the car– this is great in the summer.
- Making my son clean up the accident– we let him try for pees, but not poops- he’s 2.5 he’s tasted his poop in the last month. So I like to avoid anything where there’s the possibility of him eating any more.
What We Haven’t Tried
- Potty watch– maybe this is the next step?
- Changing the color of the water or aiming at cheerios– this sounds time consuming and wasteful.
- Peejamas– my son takes his diaper and pants off at night. I think this would just make it easier to take them off.
- Pull ups– I don’t plan on using these ever.
What We Have Purchased For Potty Training
- Potty chairs– We bought 3. These are great, we use them all the time.
- Potty seat reducer & attached step stool- This wasn’t great for us, it was too hard for my son to turn around on it.
- Portable potty seat reducer– This was great to start out, but now we just hold him on the potty.
- Step stool– A step stool is an amazing product to have in the bathroom, he also uses it for brushing his teeth.
- Built in seat reducer seats– We bought two for each of our toilets. These are the best. I don’t have to remove a seat and the smaller seat is magnetically attached to the lid. If I were to start all over again, I would jump straight to this instead of the seat reducer and attached step stool.
- Stickers- He loves them, but I’m not sure that they helped.
- Candy- He loved the gummies, but m&m’s weren’t helpful.
- Car seat pee pad– This came as a two pack. These make sure I don’t have to fiddle around with the car seat cover to get it off every day.
- Underwear- ALL the underwear- It’s necessary when potty training.
- Wet bag– We got these for cloth diapering, but it’s great for holding soiled clothes during potty training as well.
- Potty books– I don’t think that these have helped yet.
So What To Do?
We have considered going back to diapers and trying again when he’s 3 or something.
The biggest frustration is that he now tells us when he has peed or pooped, afterwards. He knows and has known when he needs to go. He used to run to the bathroom when he needed to go. Now he stands looking us dead in the eye while he pees on the ground. Or hides under the table to poop.
I don’t know if it’s an act of defiance, or if he is just testing boundaries. Maybe he’s trying to get attention. I just know I’m sick of it. Potty training has been a nightmare.
I am in no rush to potty train my daughter now. We started some elimination communication with her early on and we were successful. But consistency is key and it’s hard to be consistent with two under two. If my daughter shows an interest then we will encourage her to go in the potty. But as of now, she can stay in diapers until she’s an adult as far as I’m concerned.
If you are struggling with potty training your stubborn toddler, I get you. I’m not through it yet, but I believe that eventually my son will learn how to use the potty the right way. I’m sure your child will make progress and get through this difficult phase too!
